Happy Wednesday everyone.
I hope that you have a beautiful Woman to inspire you today. The hashtag of today is commonly #womancrushwednesday.
So something happened to me this morning that kind of caused me to take a step back and realize a few things. The story starts with the fact that I recently found out I could receive funded counseling, because I had grandparents who attended residential school. So this is something that I found very exciting. I think counseling is very important, but more than that I really see the value in free stuff. Not that this is a material object I can bring home and forget about later. I feel this is something I can internalize and carry with me always. So of course I got in contact with the woman running the program essentially. We scheduled an appointment she then asked me about my treaty card. I told her that I can apply and receive status, but I am currently non-status. She was understanding, but she let me know that they may not approve my counseling, because of this.
This is where the problem starts. I was not born with treaty status. My grandmother married a 'white' man and lost her status when she did. She did regain her status later on. My mother is what they call Bill C-31. My father is also a 'white' man, which is questionable seeing as his father was adopted. Regardless the situation brings me to my point. I have struggled my whole entire life with aboriginal identity issues. I've been reading books lately and facing challenges that have made this more apparent to me.
I spent many of my years on a reserve. I was raised by and around my maternal family. So I am completely out of touch with the 'white' part of my heritage. On top of this I do have a paler skin tone and my eyes are hazel. My cousins do not resemble me in skin tone or eye color. So as you can imagine I always felt out of place. Like I didn't belong in the community. I felt as if I wasn't 'native' enough to be considered aboriginal. I struggled a lot with the idea that I was only a quarter native. I was diluted. Now that I am an adult and I've forced myself to reflect on the subject further I want to change the way I perceive myself.
I know what I believe and that is that status does not define who I am. Whether or not I am treaty does not change the fact that the grandfather I remember most fondly was my great grandfather. He was Cree and 100% aboriginal, with no dilution. I've always been fiercely proud of being related to him. Although now that I am older I am realizing before I was born he had made many mistakes and was as flawed as the rest of us. I love him the same. Doesn't change who he was to me. He would sit me on his lap when I was little and ask me to speak 1-10 in Cree for him. I always made mistakes. He always helped me. Now I know my Cree numbers by heart. Sadly I know very little more of the language and it saddens me.
This brings me to my overall point. Regardless of if I have status or not. The point of the free counseling is to help those who were affected negatively by the wrong doings in residential schools. A lack of status does not change the fact that I did have grandparents who attended those schools. I am just as in need as someone with a card. Furthermore I refuse to let a 'card' define my native status. I am aboriginal. I don't know my language. I have never attended a sweat. I am not as educated about my heritage both 'white' and 'native as I'd like to be. It does not change the fact that I am native.
I have struggled much to long internally with who I ought to be. I owe my definition to know one. Anyone's definition of the legitimacy of my ethnicity is irrelevant. We all struggle enough within ourselves that I definitely don't need the opinion of someone else. I am not denying that 3/4 of my actual bloodline is questionably the most 'white' heritage you can come across. One step at a time, I was raised in and around the culture of my maternal family. I'll start there and pick up the pieces as I move forward.
I am an aboriginal woman.
I stand for values
I am beautifully flawed.
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