I am whatever I say I am

Happy Wednesday everyone.
I hope that you have a beautiful Woman to inspire you today. The hashtag of today is commonly #womancrushwednesday.

So something happened to me this morning that kind of caused me to take a step back and realize a few things. The story starts with the fact that I recently found out I could receive funded counseling, because I had grandparents who attended residential school. So this is something that I found very exciting. I think counseling is very important, but more than that I really see the value in free stuff. Not that this is a material object I can bring home and forget about later. I feel this is something I can internalize and carry with me always. So of course I got in contact with the woman running the program essentially. We scheduled an appointment she then asked me about my treaty card. I told her that I can apply and receive status, but I am currently non-status. She was understanding, but she let me know that they may not approve my counseling, because of this.

This is where the problem starts. I was not born with treaty status. My grandmother married a 'white' man and lost her status when she did. She did regain her status later on. My mother is what they call Bill C-31. My father is also a 'white' man, which is questionable seeing as his father was adopted. Regardless the situation brings me to my point. I have struggled my whole entire life with aboriginal identity issues. I've been reading books lately and facing challenges that have made this more apparent to me.

I spent many of my years on a reserve. I was raised by and around my maternal family. So I am completely out of touch with the 'white' part of my heritage. On top of this I do have a paler skin tone and my eyes are hazel. My cousins do not resemble me in skin tone or eye color. So as you can imagine I always felt out of place. Like I didn't belong in the community. I felt as if I wasn't 'native' enough to be considered aboriginal. I struggled a lot with the idea that I was only a quarter native. I was diluted. Now that I am an adult and I've forced myself to reflect on the subject further I want to change the way I perceive myself.

I know what I believe and that is that status does not define who I am. Whether or not I am treaty does not change the fact that the grandfather I remember most fondly was my great grandfather. He was Cree and 100% aboriginal, with no dilution. I've always been fiercely proud of being related to him. Although now that I am older I am realizing before I was born he had made many mistakes and was as flawed as the rest of us. I love him the same. Doesn't change who he was to me. He would sit me on his lap when I was little and ask me to speak 1-10 in Cree for him. I always made mistakes. He always helped me. Now I know my Cree numbers by heart. Sadly I know very little more of the language and it saddens me.

This brings me to my overall point. Regardless of if I have status or not. The point of the free counseling is to help those who were affected negatively by the wrong doings in residential schools. A lack of status does not change the fact that I did have grandparents who attended those schools. I am just as in need as someone with a card. Furthermore I refuse to let a 'card' define my native status. I am aboriginal. I don't know my language. I have never attended a sweat. I am not as educated about my heritage both 'white' and 'native as I'd like to be. It does not change the fact that I am native.

I have struggled much to long internally with who I ought to be. I owe my definition to know one. Anyone's definition of the legitimacy of my ethnicity is irrelevant. We all struggle enough within ourselves that I definitely don't need the opinion of someone else. I am not denying that 3/4 of my actual bloodline is questionably the most 'white' heritage you can come across. One step at a time, I was raised in and around the culture of my maternal family. I'll start there and pick up the pieces as I move forward.


I am an aboriginal woman.
I stand for values
I am beautifully flawed.

Start the week off with a bang!

Monday it is,

I am determined to start this week of right. I fear that I might have to ask my conscious mind to join me repeatedly. I've got so much accomplished in the last couple weeks. Now that I am  now slowed down just enough to take in my surroundings. Fear is starting to settle in. Can I accomplish what I want? Will people like me? There's a calm and it's unnerving. I must keep myself busy so as to conquer those lingering negative tones of thinking. I am awesome and I can do this. I must hold on to hope. I must keep myself full of positive reinforcement.

I know better than to let the mean girl inside of my head have a voice louder than my dreams. I will keep pushing forward. I mustn't slow down, because I know what happens when you slow down. You lose momentum. I've got myself a daily schedule of things to do within my home and with my respected business's. I keep myself to a strict five activities per day. This makes sure I stay on task and don't wander into the abyss of cleaning dirt out of the corners of only God knows where.



I've started my  photography company, paid for my license and everything. I am the proud owner of Axis Imagery. Axis was a name I made up when I tried my hand at making a couple raps. This might be something I'd like to pursue on a hobby type level. I'm more into the idea of spoken word poetry, but I digress. I created my watermark, I enjoyed being able to get in touch with my creative side for that one. Thanks to some friends who were visiting and giving me some feedback. My website is up and running: axisimagery.biz . There are a few things I would like to tweak and a lot more pictures I would like to add, but it serves its purposes. I got my business cards in for both my online store, and my photography company. I know, I know some people believe business cards are a dying art. I refuse to believe so. They are a very much accredited tool to spread the word about yourself. I've taken pictures in grad/ senior style for the upcoming graduation season. I'm excited for that.

I've also signed a three month probationary contract with my friends company SheNative So far I believe I've gone above and beyond her expectations. I much enjoy the work I do for her company because I really value the mission her company serves. She wants to shed a more positive perspective on the thoughts surrounding aboriginal women. So I am the Social Media & Promotions Trailblazer. Neat name right? We wanted something a little different. She's labeled her position as Chief Changemaker. She wants to donate portions of the sales of her products to worthy causes. All of her products are produced in Canada (minus the totebags she utilized American Apparel to make). So far her products include: the bucket bag, the clutch, t-shirts, tanks, tea mugs, earrings, and the before mentioned tote bags. I am proud to represent her product. The bags are made of beautiful buffalo and cow leather. The newer t-shirts are made out of a tri-blend bamboo and are extremely comfortable and soft. I've heard many a testimony to using the t shirts for yoga. My words just don't do the beauty of the products justice so if you are curious please check out the link above.

So that ladies and gentlemen is what I've been up to. What have you been up to? Are you like me and you've accomplished so much lately, but still feel there is more that you could do?

So I will end on this note with this mantra I've gifted myself with.

I am enough. I do enough everyday.